I’ve gotten used to being the outsider. Meaning, I’ve accepted that when there’s a baby involved, friendships and sibling relationships evolve. But it definitely took me a long time to get here and accept my role as an auntie. I’ve grown accustomed to making plans and then changing last minute because, well…the babies come first! I’ve acclimated to having stories about my life be cut off to discuss the baby or the baby’s new toy, pacifier, burping bib, etc. I took it in stride each time someone would say, “Can I call you back?” and they didn’t. Yes, I’ve gotten over all the little nuisances that used to annoy me, and honestly, I’m proud of myself for it.

When I realized it didn’t bother me anymore I wanted to stand up and announce to the world that I no longer felt less important than the kids in my life. Since that monumental moment happened, I have been going on with my life just fine. Then, like anything in life, when something finally gets comfortable, something changes. But this time the change wasn’t me; it was on the other side – those friends with babies. Suddenly it went from, I have no time, but do you have time?

Do I have time? To some, it might look that way because I work from home. But what they don’t understand is that even though I’m at home that doesn’t mean I’m watching the Early Show, Oprah, or getting hooked on daytime television. Believe it or not, I actually get things done.

Everything has only one beginning – and all this began because I got an urgent BlackBerry message, then a voicemail, from a friend of mine saying, “It’s urgent, call me.” She recently had a baby – and of course my palms started to sweat. With visions of the worst possible scenario whirling around in my head, I called. I was needed. For the first time in a long time I felt appreciated. I thought, “Wow, she and her husband are sick and she called me to come over, wear a facemask, and take care of the baby during the day so she and her husband could get well.” I rescheduled all my calls for the day – but headed over with my computer just in case.

It’s amazing how even though I had been living without it, the moment I became a part of whatever it is that I’m calling “it,” I felt good. So I left my friend’s place on a high. I’ve found my way back in, I thought. And just as I was getting used to being a part of “it” again – another change. Next thing I know I’m being asked if I can just pop over for an hour and take care of the baby because she needed to her nails done.

Suddenly it went from them not needing me at all to needing me to help nanny. Hmmm, how does that work? And how are you supposed to tell a friend that they may be taking advantage of the fact that you don’t have a child?

It’s just not like it used to be. If you didn’t want to do something for a friend because you were doing something or just couldn’t, it was fine because it was your friend, she would understand. But, now, with a baby involved – saying no is like not helping your mother when she asks you to take up the laundry. You’re saying no to a mommy – and pretty much saying you don’t have time for your niece or nephew.

What’s the best approach to saying no, especially if the last thing you want to do is offend your friend?

Cynthia Kane is a freelance writer and editor who has recently become a Savvy Auntie!